Faith Beyond Us
Some of you have heard this story before but for those of you who have not I hope you enjoy hearing a story about how God stretch our faith and trust in Him beyond that which we could ever imagine.
In August of 2006 my son Colin was stillborn. This was one of those moments in life that where you become so unsure of so many things. I was never unsure about God or that He was with me. I was unsure as to why he had allowed this to happen. Since then I have questioned nearly every thought or action I ever had with the pregnancy. In the end though I came to truly realize it was all out of my hands. One might have thought after this I would have been better at remembering that God holds life in His hands and that with His words He created all that we know as creation but some times I can be a slow learner.
Angie and I found out in September that we were once again pregnant. We had been hoping for this yet we were so scared of losing another child. Once we found out we immediately called the doctors office and they confirmed it all with some blood tests. All of the test came back normal and so we scheduled and ultrasound. According to our best guess on a conception date we figured the date of the ultrasound to be at about 6.5 weeks into the pregnancy. It was hoped that by this point we could see a heartbeat.
We were not able to see much of anything at the ultrasound so for some reassurance the doctor ordered some additional blood work to check the HCG levels. Based on the initial blood work the doctor figured the new hcg levels would be about 9,000. Needless to say the numbers were not nearly that high. The new hcg levels were only 3,000. This did give us or the doctor a lot of hope. In fact, Angie and I both felt like we had or would soon lose the baby. We were devastated. (This all happened on a Friday afternoon).
That night God really started to work on Angie's heart. He began to show her that we had started to rely to much on the medical tests and equipment and not enough on Him. We had taken the miracle of birth and life and made it into a science experiment. This idea was rather convicting for both she and I since we had always wanted to avoid this. We have seen this kind of perspective in so many Christians and we did not want to fall into that same trap. Unfortunately, we had.
Along with conviction came some insight in to what it really means for God to have life in the palm of His hands. He is truly the giver of life. Jesus is the one raised Lazarus from the dead. God is the one who created life to begin with and nothing is impossible for Him. Angie and I talked and prayed, prayed and talked until finally we came to the point where we knew that we had to simply trust God to give us a healthy baby no matter what the tests were saying. Along with this we did some research on hcg levels and we found out that it was possible that the 3,000 was not as bad of a number as we first thought. We also found out that if in 48 hrs that number increased to 4800 then we would be within normal levels for a healthy pregnancy.
Well Angie had a follow-up blood test on Sunday afternoon. So we began praying. We asked others to pray. Angie asked the elders (deacons) of our church to come and pray over her and annoint her with oil. For me I struggled with having the faith to simply trust God to give the baby life. I wanted to trust without reservation more than anything but I just could not seem to do it. No matter how hard I prayed I could never seem to do it. I guess I felt like I needed some sort of proof of how God was going to work in the life of this baby. This proof (or lack thereof) would come from the Sunday tests results.
Well Sunday afternoon finally came and we waited and waited and waited. We finally called the doctor to see if the results were in and they were having to recalibrate (or something like that) the machines. Well, the numbers finally came back and low and behold the new hcg level was 4800. The exact number Angie and I had been praying for. The doctor was not as encouraged as us but we felt like we were on cloud 9. God has proven faithful once again.
I have no idea if I will get to hold a perfectly healthy baby in my arms in May or not. What I do know is that God is forever faithful. I know that He does not will for us to have a miscarriage or stillbirth. I also know that since those Sunday numbers came back I have had no worries about what the future holds for this baby. God gave me the proof that I needed to be able to follow Him without reservation.
We have another ultrasound scheduled for a little over a week from now and we are looking forward to seeing some wonderful pictures of our youngest child. I look forward to posting a picture of two of the baby here soon.
Please feel free to leave your comments, stories, etc...
In August of 2006 my son Colin was stillborn. This was one of those moments in life that where you become so unsure of so many things. I was never unsure about God or that He was with me. I was unsure as to why he had allowed this to happen. Since then I have questioned nearly every thought or action I ever had with the pregnancy. In the end though I came to truly realize it was all out of my hands. One might have thought after this I would have been better at remembering that God holds life in His hands and that with His words He created all that we know as creation but some times I can be a slow learner.
Angie and I found out in September that we were once again pregnant. We had been hoping for this yet we were so scared of losing another child. Once we found out we immediately called the doctors office and they confirmed it all with some blood tests. All of the test came back normal and so we scheduled and ultrasound. According to our best guess on a conception date we figured the date of the ultrasound to be at about 6.5 weeks into the pregnancy. It was hoped that by this point we could see a heartbeat.
We were not able to see much of anything at the ultrasound so for some reassurance the doctor ordered some additional blood work to check the HCG levels. Based on the initial blood work the doctor figured the new hcg levels would be about 9,000. Needless to say the numbers were not nearly that high. The new hcg levels were only 3,000. This did give us or the doctor a lot of hope. In fact, Angie and I both felt like we had or would soon lose the baby. We were devastated. (This all happened on a Friday afternoon).
That night God really started to work on Angie's heart. He began to show her that we had started to rely to much on the medical tests and equipment and not enough on Him. We had taken the miracle of birth and life and made it into a science experiment. This idea was rather convicting for both she and I since we had always wanted to avoid this. We have seen this kind of perspective in so many Christians and we did not want to fall into that same trap. Unfortunately, we had.
Along with conviction came some insight in to what it really means for God to have life in the palm of His hands. He is truly the giver of life. Jesus is the one raised Lazarus from the dead. God is the one who created life to begin with and nothing is impossible for Him. Angie and I talked and prayed, prayed and talked until finally we came to the point where we knew that we had to simply trust God to give us a healthy baby no matter what the tests were saying. Along with this we did some research on hcg levels and we found out that it was possible that the 3,000 was not as bad of a number as we first thought. We also found out that if in 48 hrs that number increased to 4800 then we would be within normal levels for a healthy pregnancy.
Well Angie had a follow-up blood test on Sunday afternoon. So we began praying. We asked others to pray. Angie asked the elders (deacons) of our church to come and pray over her and annoint her with oil. For me I struggled with having the faith to simply trust God to give the baby life. I wanted to trust without reservation more than anything but I just could not seem to do it. No matter how hard I prayed I could never seem to do it. I guess I felt like I needed some sort of proof of how God was going to work in the life of this baby. This proof (or lack thereof) would come from the Sunday tests results.
Well Sunday afternoon finally came and we waited and waited and waited. We finally called the doctor to see if the results were in and they were having to recalibrate (or something like that) the machines. Well, the numbers finally came back and low and behold the new hcg level was 4800. The exact number Angie and I had been praying for. The doctor was not as encouraged as us but we felt like we were on cloud 9. God has proven faithful once again.
I have no idea if I will get to hold a perfectly healthy baby in my arms in May or not. What I do know is that God is forever faithful. I know that He does not will for us to have a miscarriage or stillbirth. I also know that since those Sunday numbers came back I have had no worries about what the future holds for this baby. God gave me the proof that I needed to be able to follow Him without reservation.
We have another ultrasound scheduled for a little over a week from now and we are looking forward to seeing some wonderful pictures of our youngest child. I look forward to posting a picture of two of the baby here soon.
Please feel free to leave your comments, stories, etc...
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