Its all about Him

Each and every week well meaning men and women go before their churches (or small groups, bible studies, Sunday school classes, etc...) and proclaim truth to the people. They say things that are right and good and dare I say even Biblical. Yet many of them miss the point of why we are to proclaim anything. Simply put it is all about Jesus. Colossians 1:28 teaches us that we should proclaim Him so that we can present everyone perfect in Christ. Colossians 1:29 goes on to teach us that it is not easy to accomplish this task and in fact requires the strength of God Himself.

I know many times I have become reliant upon myself and the abilities/talents/gifts that God has given me. Some times God even chooses to do great things through me even when I am not relying on Him. Yet as I rely more and more on me and less and less on Jesus I find myself become more and more weary of the path laid before me. I find myself questioning the things that I am doing. I find that those things that I have passions for become difficult and laborious. My body becomes so physically exhausted I feel as though I will never recover and my mind becomes so drained that I barely know which end is up. It is during these times that I question God and His plan for my life and the life of my family. Many times I will become frustrated with Him because things do not go the way that I think they should be going. Some times I even get to the point that I want to give up on it all and just simply go away.  When I am in these dark places with God I know they are dark and that thoughts I am having are wrong yet I feel like I can not escape them. It can feel as though I have become trapped in a never ending cycle of regret, guilt, frustration and exhaustion.

Lately, I have found myself in one of those dark places. I have found myself feeling like everyone is against me and that I am unimportant to them. I have allowed my imagination to create scenarios in which people that I trust have become untrustworthy. I have not been allowing myself to give my friends and co-labors the benefit of the doubt. Most of them have no idea that I have even thought this about them because I have learned over the years that some times it is better to not always say the first thing that comes in to my mind. I have learned that I have this terrible habit of thinking the worst of people when they have done nothing to deserve it. I have also learned that once I leave these dark places I can usually forget that I ever even thought such terrible things about that person.

Tonight is one of those nights that I believe will be a time in which I truly begin the process of moving out of the dark place again. It is a night in which I can begin to see things clearly again. It is a night that once again had given me hope for the days that are ahead of me. I have hope that I will become a better husband, I have hope that I will become a better father. I have hope that I will be become a better teacher/leader for teens. I have hope that I will become better at all of those things in which God has entrusted to me.  I know the path out of the darkness will not smooth sailing but I can at least say again that I believe that their is a path out and that I am again on it.