Abby after 2 pm snack

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Abby is being moved to

Abby is being moved to the less intense side of NICU.WooHoo

Pictures of Abby

I just wanted to post a few pictures up before heading to bed. We will have a lot more as the days roll along. Enjoy!

Mommy and baby are doing

Mommy and baby are doing well. Both are getting some needed rest

3 lbs 5 oz 16.5"

3 lbs 5 oz 16.5"

Finally headed back to the

Finally headed back to the OR

We r now looking at

We r now looking at 11 now errrrrrrr oh well such is life

We are still waiting to

We are still waiting to go into the OR. ugh

Another c-section had to go

Another c-section had to go ahead of us so angie will go in soon. Will keep u posted.

Abby will soon be here

In just a few short hours baby Abby will be coming into the world. We know that she will be small for her age but we believe she is going to be a feisty little one. She has fought hard to make it this far and we figure she will continue to do so. I believe abby will not be in the NICU as long as she is suppossed to be and will surprise all of the doctors and nurses by how quickly she grows and strengthens.

That being said I find myself in a rather odd place. On the one hand we are the end of the long journey of pregnancy. More than likely this will be our last biological pregnancy and as such the end of this journey has some added emotion and meaning. We began this journey about 7 years ago and we had no idea how many highs and lows we would experience. We knew from the death of our nephew Matthew that pregnancy and birth is not always easy. I also knew the statistics on miscarriages and so I always figured the odds were that some of our children would go straight into the arms of Jesus. What I did not figure on is how many of them would do this and how much of a toll this would take on me, my wife, my children and my marriage.

In the end though I must say that it has all been worth it. God has used every loss and every difficulty for his honor and glory. He has never abandoned us though we have some times abandoned Him. I do not know what the future holds for Abby or our family. I hope that it is one that is filled with many years of great joy and happiness. I hope it is one that is filled with at least one more brother or sister. Either way though I know that God will be right there with us all. I know that He will always have our best interest in mind even though it may not seem like it to us. I trust in the fact that all life is in His hands.

Tomorrow is going to be a great day. It will be the day that my youngest daughter will be born. It the day that will begin another new chapter in our lives. It is going to be a day full of adranile, pictures, text messages and phone calls. It is going to be a day that so many people will remember for so long. It is going to be a day where God smiles upon my family in a new and special way. It is going to be a day of fun and anxiety. It is going to be the culmination of an incredible miracle. It is going to be the beginning of another miracle. It is a day that I longed to see for what seems like an eternity. Above all else it is going to be a wonderful day because every day that we have is a gift from God.

Philemon-Restraint

Philemon verses 8 and 9 really seem to stand out to me today as I was reading through this letter. I think what struck me about them was the boldness with which Paul asserts his authority. We see this in verse 8 where Paul says that he has the confidence to order Philemon to do something. In essence, what we see is Paul saying I have a certain degree of authority over you to order you to do as I command. In doing this Philemon is reminded of his place in this world. This was important for Paul to establish because it sets the backdrop for the rest of his letter to Philemon.

Having established his position over Philemon Paul then states that he will restrain from using this authority and for love's sake chose to appeal to Philemon as opposed to command him. This choice is not unlike the choice God has made with us. Simple put God by His very nature has authority over us and could order us to worship (thus eliminating free will) yet He does not do this. God chooses, because of His great Love, to give us the choice to worship Him. He has thru His word, His actions and His creation gives us ample reasons to choose Him.

I believe the great lesson for us here is that while we may have the authority to do certain things does not mean we must always use it. I think this principal can be applied to any number of areas in our lives. I think this can be particular true in the church. There is a time and place for assertion of authority in the church but those instances are few and far between in a healthy & growing church. What we see in the church are times in which leaders must find a way, in love, to appeal to people to move into action.

This does not mean that we avoid challenging people and pushing them to do things wel outside of their comfort zones. We must always bestriving to challenge our brother and sisters to be bold and do things that will make them uncomfortable and require an even great reliance on God.

Philemon

How many of you have ever heard a sermon on Philemon. I am sure at some point many of us may have heard a reference or two in a given sermon but I am not so sure that we see a whole lot of people have preached on this book. This belief was reinforced when I realized how few markings I have in this book in my own bible. I am as guilty as anyone else when it comes to studying this book to find the wonderful truths that God has in store for us there. As I have learned a little more about this book I think I might have some ideas about why we do not hear anything from this book.

I think one reason the western church may have backed away from this book is because of how it was used during the struggle over slavery. This book was used by both sides to justify their position. I suspect that this particular controversy has had a trickle down affect on today's church. We tend to be people of habit and if one generation does not use a particular book of the people then the subsequent generation is likely to avoid it as well. I believe that over time people have simply forgotten about the book.

Another reason we do not hear much about this book could be its size. It is the smallest of all the Pauline letters and it does have kind of a weird name.

None of these reasons are good reasons to have forgotten this book. It is Scripture just like any other part of the Bible. I am hoping to spend some time in this book personally over the next couple days in the hopes of gleaning some new insights into God and my relationship with Him. I would encourage you to do the same and hopefully we can learn something together.

The Day and Times at the R-C

The last few days have been a swirl of thoughts and emotions. We have seen slew of good reports and some things who have given us pause for concern. We have seen more doctors and hospital staff than we ever thought possible. We finally have a light at the end of this particular tunnel!!!!

Ms. Abby is scheduled to be delivered by c-section at 7:45 am on Friday. We are so thrilled to finally have a specific goal to be striving for. At the same time we know that being delivered prematurely can present its own set of challenges. We know that the road ahead will not necessarily be easy but we feel as though we have nearly made it to the finish line, at least for this part of the race.

I know for me the last week has been filled with all sorts of ups and downs. I have tried to keep my eyes focused on the creator of all that we see yet I have found myself many a time starting to get consumed with fear and worry. I know that patience is a virtue but as my Store Manager put it today "that must have been said by someone who was not waiting on something" :)

I feel like it will all be worth the wait in the end.

And don't worry my friends we will have pictures posted on facebook as soon as possible. :)

Some thoughts from the R-C

Today is day 4 at the beautiful Rush-Copley hospital in Aurora, IL. Angie and I have had a simply lovely time here on our babymoon. It is not exactly how we had planned to spend the final weeks of our pregnancy but the intimate room and romantic glow of the street lights at night have more than made up for all of the problems in changed schedules and lack of showers.

During this very special time for us I have had some moments of solice where I could truly contemplate such profound things as the meaning of life, why my right pinky seems to be longer than my left and why people keep trying to send us home (do we smell? or do they just not like us very much?). During these moments I have also spent some time pondering some slightly more spiritual issues. Most recently I found myself going back through a message sent to me by a friend in Florida. In her message she reminds me that there is a time, place and reason for all things. God has His reasonings for things and that in the end all things will work out for His glory. She also reminded me that when we follow after Him with all of our very essence and being then we know things will work out for our good even if that good does not seem so good at the time.

I do not know what the future holds for us. I do not know when Abby will be born or how big she will be. For that matter I have no idea how long she or anyone else in my family will live. I know what I hope for and what I want to happen. I know that living in the gray the past few days has been difficult yet peaceful (most of the time). I know that God is bigger than any struggle I may ever have. I know that He loves me and is taking care of me. I know that He has shown this love through an old friend from Florida who took some time to remind me of some truths that I have known for a long time. I know that He will continue to demonstrate His love for me, Angie, Aiden, Anthony and Abby in the days, weeks, months and years to come. I know He will never stop showing His love to me. I know that He is my God and my Savior. I know He is the one who made the choice to provide a means for salvation. I know that someday I will see my Savior face to face. I know that He holds tomorrow in His hands. I know He is taking care of my boys while I am away from them. I know that I know that I know that no matter what happens in this life that God is always there.

He is here in this room with us. He is in haiti with the suffering and the weak. He is the rich places and the poor places of this world. He is the beginning and the end, the alpha and the the omega. He is the all powerful creator of the universe. He is the one true God. He is the answer to the deepest longings of a person's soul. He is the great I am. He is the only true giver of life. He is the one who gives me breath every day. He is my friend and my God (do not ask me to explain how that works out). He is above all things because He made all things. He loves beyond any love I could ever imagine because He himself is love.

God is so much more than what I have written here today. I do not know where you are at with God today. I do not know if you have totally rejected God, the church, or religion in general. I do not know if you have full embraced any number of faiths like Christianity, Islam or Buddhism. Only God truly knows the heart of each man and only god has the authority to judge that heart. All I know is where I am and what God has shown me. I have tried to share some of that here today and through out the postings on this blog. I hope that I have in some small way accomplished that. I look forward to sharing more with you about Him in the future.

Duct Tape and faith

Lately I have had a lot of time to think. For those of you who know me you understand how scary of a prospect this can be. My mind tends to wonder in all sorts of directions and many times will latch on to some crazy idea that most people who just as soon stay away from. While I admit that many of these ideas have not turned out so well, some of them have. For example, the idea of planting a church to reach college-age people has evolved into our current church plant The Journey. I am hoping my latest idea is one of the good ones and not one of those weird ones that sucks up a lot of my time and ends up in the junk pile. All of that being said I need some help from you!! :)

I need people to give me their thoughts on Duct Tape. No really, I am not kidding on this one. I want to know what you really think about it. What are some the characteristics you think of when you think of Duct Tape? The more input you can give me the better. I know some of you may think I am venturing in to waste of time idea land but only time will tell and the more you help me with your input the better chance I have of staying in happy productivity land.

I look forward to you thoughts. Thanks.

Having faith in God....

Today's events have caused me to really delve into what it really means to have faith in God or better yet what it means to trust Him and to not rely on things of this world.

Our latest pregnancy has been a real struggle for me in terms of balancing a reliance on God alone and seeing medicine and technologies as God given things. As most of you know we have had a number of different complications in past pregnancies. As a result we have been seeing all sorts of doctors through out this pregnancy. Along with all of these we have educated ourselves on all of the various issues that we have been facing.

My struggle has been how do I prevent myself from relying on this knowledge (and the doctor's knowledge) and loosing sight of God and his sovereignty. I am not really sure that I have come to an exact conclusion other than to say that I have to learn to live in the gray. I am not sure that there is an exact answer to the struggle other than to always be seeking the answer. Could it be that God is not necessarily looking for us choose which to follow so much as it is that He wants us to be always cognisant of the fact that we do need to be relying on Him. Could it also be that in the process of seeking to do the right thing (through prayer, study and time with God) that we end up doing exactly what He wants us to be doing, which is deepening our relationship with Him.

So here is to living in the gray! :)

Its been awhile

It has been a long time since I have written anything on any of the various blogs that I author. There are a lot of different reasons for this which I you will not bore you with. For those of you who have been faithfully checking on me and my writings I do appreciate it. It is nice to know that someone actually reads these ramblings that I have. I am hoping that I will be able to write more often even though baby Abby's arrival will probably take up at least some of my "free" time.