I will rise

Have you ever been in a place of darkness? Have you ever been in a place that seems devoid of hope?

I think if we were all being honest with ourselves and others we would either say "Yes I have been there" or "I am there right now." These places of darkness take different forms with each of us. For some it is a constant sense of blaming themselves for all that has gone wrong in their lives. For others it takes the form  numbness where they live in a place without any emotion or connection with others including their own families. As someone who has been in those places more times than I would care to count I am here to tell you there is hope in this dark world.

This hope provides light when none seems possible. This hope is my defender when everyone else abandons me. This hope is my shield and my salvation. This hope is the one who reaches down in to the darkness and pulls me out even when I don't deserve it. This hope is my God!. This hope is Jesus! He has always been the only true hope in this world and He will always be the only true hope in this world.

Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light. Because I have sinned against him, I will bear the Lord’s wrath, until he pleads my case and upholds my cause. He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness. Then my enemy will see it and will be covered with shame, she who said to me, “Where is the Lord your God?” My eyes will see her downfall; even now she will be trampled underfoot like mire in the streets.
Micah 7:8-10

Light at the end of the tunnel

So what do you see when you look at this picture? Is it the light that signifies the long anticipated exit of the dark and dreary tunnel? Is the light that could possibly signify impending doom of a rushing train that is barreling down on your position? Does what you see change at the end of this tunnel change depending on the day?the hour?the moment?

If you are anything like me my answer to what I see can change depending on the circumstances of my day. This back and forth is frustrating for me because I want to be the person who sees the bright light of the exit and not the one who sees a speeding train hurling towards me. The question for has been how can I become the man who sees the exit and not the train and the answer is as simple and complex as the Gospel.

Colossians 1:23 gives us the picture of the hope held out by the Gospel. I believe it is this hope that helps to lead us from seeing the train to seeing the exit. I know these words see hollow to many people. The may even seem like they somehow diminish the real and hard struggles that you have. Please hear me when I say that I fully understand that just because you are a follower of Jesus that does not  mean that struggling with depression becomes obsolete. I know from my own life that depression is real and that struggling with it does not mean you are some how not a good Christian. I know for me that when I walk through the dark valleys of depression it is the hope given by the Gospel that allows me to climb out of the darkness.

It is this kind of hope that the world so desperately longs for. It is this hope and perspective that the church needs to have as well so that we are best able to stand in the gap and resist the attacks of the enemy. This is the power of the Gospel is that it brings hope and light in to the darkest places of this world including our own hearts and mind.

Can I do it???

It has been a crazy long time since I have taken the time to wright out any of thoughts much less take some time to place them here. Some things happened today that have my mind and heart racing in ways they have not in a long time. Today I was presented with an opportunity that I would have never  thought would be possible. It is one that I would have never even sought after yet here it is before me and my family.

I am not sure how you react to opportunity but I am the type the reacts with two completely opposite reactions at the same time. 1. I am in shock that someone would trust me or believe in me enough to give me an opportunity to do more or have more responsibility. 2.I have an incredible amount of self doubt  that leads me to dark thoughts of past failures. It is a strange process and it is one that I really do not like going through yet God seems to be placing me  in them with an increasing amount of frequency. Knowing that God is over even the smallest details of my life I figured it would be in my interest to seek His thoughts/will/desires on what lies before me. In so doing I came across Colossians 1:12.

While reading over this verse I realized how much God has qualified me to do whatever it is that He has me doing. I know this is not a revolutionary thought but it is a profound one. The idea that the God of the Universe took the time to equip me for the tasks before me is a mind blowing idea. He has already equipped me to do whatever it is. There are all kinds of rabbit trails that one could chase here but at the end of the day they all lead back to one place and that is...God loves me in ways I cannot understand. He takes care of me. He prepares me. He goes before me. He deals with my enemies.

I am not sure exactly what the future holds but I do know that God has purposefully equipped me.

Patience

They say patience is a virtue. I would say that patience is a miracle of God.

One of the greatest struggles in my life has been waiting on things and making sure that I do things in the right order and the right way. I have a tendency to want the gratification now and I do not want to wait for it to come in he future. There seems to be this consistent voice that says "get it now because it may not be there in the future and you will  miss out if you wait." What this voice fails to tell me is the loss of what might have been if I had waited or what I am losing out on now by not waiting. You see there are consequences for each choice that we make and when we opt for the instant gratification over patience then many times we are replacing God's plan for blessing with a plan that leads to pain and destruction. 

One of the greatest examples of this is Abraham. God had promised him a huge family of descendants yet he was without a child and instead of waiting for God to fulfill His promise he decided to take matters in to his  own hands. One of the consequences  of this choice has been centuries of fighting and the deaths of 1000's as the two lines of Abraham have continued to fight with a hatred that is beyond conpare. 

I do not know how you struggle with being patient  but I know that do all of the time. I struggle with being patient with my children. I struggle with being patient with the people around me. It is my prayer and hope that I will continue to get closer to having the eyes of God that sees the bigger picture and because of that I will be better able to live both in this moment and in the ones to come.

Hearing

So how do we hear the voice of God? How do we know God's desire for us in a given moment or situation? Is there always one choice that is right and one that is wrong?

These are all questions that believers wrestle with in their walk with God. The answers to these questions seem to be as varied as the people who ask them. This variety of answers has lead me to the conclusion that it is not necessarily the answer that is important but rather it is the journey to finding the answers that is. It is the journey that is deigned to lead us closer to God and that is the ultimate prize of answer these questions. So as you seek the answers to these questions and many like them I hope that you take the time to enjoy the journey that God is leading you on..

Promises

One of the greatest struggles we each have in life is overcoming broken promises. We feel lied to and have a sense of lost trust. For many of us it does matter how big or small the promise is, it matters that someone did not do what they told us they would do. This mountain becomes especially large when we feel as though God has broken His promises to us. It strikes us at our deepest levels because we believe above all else that if anyone is capable of keeping all of their promises it should be God. When dealing with these feelings I have noticed some typical responses in myself and others.

1.We question God in general. We question if he really does care for us. We can get angry because we feel like He promised us something and that we have been trusting that promise and yet it has remained unfulfilled.

2.We question ourselves. We start thinking about all of the ways in which we might have messed up the promise God has for us. We blame ourselves for our lack of joy and contentment. 

3. We question our relationship with God. We can begin to question everything we have heard from Him. We can even begin to question our faith in Him.

For most of us none of these responses are the truth. I believe that we mis mark because we have a hard time understanding the idea of the fullness of time. We get an idea in our minds of how things should look and when they dont match that ideal then we question the whole thing rather than taking a step back and considering how much of our ideal is from us and how much of it is from God. I know in my own life I had an idea of how I would be serving in ministry and it has been nothing like what I envisioned. Maybe someday what I had in my head yeas ago will happen and maybe it wont but the key for me is to keep moving forward with all of the opportunities that God has for me and my family in the here and now. I must lead them to a place where they will simply allow Him to be God and enjoy the adventure that He will take them on.

Its all about Him

Each and every week well meaning men and women go before their churches (or small groups, bible studies, Sunday school classes, etc...) and proclaim truth to the people. They say things that are right and good and dare I say even Biblical. Yet many of them miss the point of why we are to proclaim anything. Simply put it is all about Jesus. Colossians 1:28 teaches us that we should proclaim Him so that we can present everyone perfect in Christ. Colossians 1:29 goes on to teach us that it is not easy to accomplish this task and in fact requires the strength of God Himself.

I know many times I have become reliant upon myself and the abilities/talents/gifts that God has given me. Some times God even chooses to do great things through me even when I am not relying on Him. Yet as I rely more and more on me and less and less on Jesus I find myself become more and more weary of the path laid before me. I find myself questioning the things that I am doing. I find that those things that I have passions for become difficult and laborious. My body becomes so physically exhausted I feel as though I will never recover and my mind becomes so drained that I barely know which end is up. It is during these times that I question God and His plan for my life and the life of my family. Many times I will become frustrated with Him because things do not go the way that I think they should be going. Some times I even get to the point that I want to give up on it all and just simply go away.  When I am in these dark places with God I know they are dark and that thoughts I am having are wrong yet I feel like I can not escape them. It can feel as though I have become trapped in a never ending cycle of regret, guilt, frustration and exhaustion.

Lately, I have found myself in one of those dark places. I have found myself feeling like everyone is against me and that I am unimportant to them. I have allowed my imagination to create scenarios in which people that I trust have become untrustworthy. I have not been allowing myself to give my friends and co-labors the benefit of the doubt. Most of them have no idea that I have even thought this about them because I have learned over the years that some times it is better to not always say the first thing that comes in to my mind. I have learned that I have this terrible habit of thinking the worst of people when they have done nothing to deserve it. I have also learned that once I leave these dark places I can usually forget that I ever even thought such terrible things about that person.

Tonight is one of those nights that I believe will be a time in which I truly begin the process of moving out of the dark place again. It is a night in which I can begin to see things clearly again. It is a night that once again had given me hope for the days that are ahead of me. I have hope that I will become a better husband, I have hope that I will become a better father. I have hope that I will be become a better teacher/leader for teens. I have hope that I will become better at all of those things in which God has entrusted to me.  I know the path out of the darkness will not smooth sailing but I can at least say again that I believe that their is a path out and that I am again on it.